Cameron Left

Yes this post has taken me a long time to write.  I truly have mixed emotions about it.  The other day I got a phone call from Gina Cameron's case worker who said that Cameron would be moving on March 2nd to be in the same foster home as his brother and sister.  I was so happy to hear this but I was so sad to know that he would be going to a foster home where he would be in daycare all day long.  That broke my heart.  I really struggled with this from the moment I knew that would be his fate.  We ended up having Cameron for six weeks.  There were good days and bad days.  He was sick for about three out of the six weeks that we had him.  He had multiple ear infections that we fought.  He and Rachel fought like crazy when he was feeling good but of course a few days before he was leaving they had actually learned how to get along and I didn't have to separate them.  He had an extremely busy schedule.  On Wednesdays I would have to get him up and have him ready to go by 8:00 so that he could have a three hour visit at H&W with his parents.  Then on Thursdays they had me put him in daycare so he would get another day to see his siblings.  (Totally counterproductive because he never got to see his siblings when he was there).  Friday afternoon I would then take him to his cousin's house and he would spend the weekend there with his siblings.  I had told myself from the beginning it would be better for him to be with his siblings.  I know he needs to be with them and lights up every time he would see them.  I never thought giving him to the other foster mom was going to be this hard.  I thought about his short little life and all that he had been through and my heart just breaks for him.  I hope and pray that thing will work out for him and his siblings and they eventually get a stable home life.  Needless to say the night before I was to take him I was checking on him in bed and just broke down. I went into my room where Scott was and he held me and we both actually had a good cry.  He truly had a piece of each of our hearts.

Happy little boy.

 Climbing on the computer.  Not sure exactly what it wasn't doing at this point but he wanted it to do something and so he was shaking it.

 Cutest little smile.

 Help me I'm stuck.  He would get the tutu stuck up around his arms and then couldn't get it off.  Wrapped around both shoulders.

 Totally a good sport about dressing up and playing with Rachel.  He likes this huge tutu better than Rachel does.

The next pictures are the last pictures when we told him good bye.

 They gave each other a big old hug.  It was so cute.

I was the one who took him over to the other foster home while Scott stayed home with Rachel.  I stayed there talking for a little bit just to fill the foster mom in on what routine we had him doing and when I got up to leave he came over to me and put his hands up to me to pick him up. I picked him up and gave him a hug and then put him back down to go play with his siblings.  As I stood there talking at the door he came over to me again to pick him up.  I did again and gave him a big hug and kiss and told him I was going to miss him.  I handed him off to Patty and he started to cry and reach for me.  I left at that point and just went to my car and cried on the way to Walmart.  I sent out text messages to several family and friends telling them I had a broken heart because I did.  I couldn't believe how much I had grown to love this little guy.  It was so great to have such a support group who sent back words of encouragment.  We also got this from Scott's parents and his sister Jamie.

I just have to say I'm not sure how these people who have been foster parents forever do it.  It was an emotional roller coaster for us and in the end I cried for 3 days about it.  Everyone says I need to know that I was doing a great service for Cameron and that's what I have focused on.  I'm so grateful for the opportunity we had to give him a happy, safe and reliable environment while we had him.